Sell Naming Rights to Planet 9

Since researchers proposed a ninth planet (Pluto was No. 9 before its demotion), name suggestions have been fluttering about like a cloud of cabbage moths in a broccoli patch.

The traditional god/mythology route, with some gender balancing, leads to the likes of Minerva, Fortuna, Persephone, Proserpina and Nyx.

The pop culture adherents have nominated David Bowie, Nimoy, Olaf and Lord Voldemort.

But why not use the opportunity to raise big bucks for a great cause? Auction off the naming rights to benefit some major international charity here on Earth. Or fund the cause of saving the planet from killer asteroids. Costs money to keep a lookout, and nobody yet has a foolproof plan for preventing homo sapiens from joining the dinosaurs.

Planet 9 could be to blame for kicking all sorts of gigantic space rocks loose and precipitating extinction events over the eons, scientists theorize.

The naming possibilities are legion, from ubiquitous products (Planet Pepto-Bismol) to self-promoting celebrities (Justin Bieber). Starbucks would be doubly appropriate, and Planet Exxon would sound like a tribute to Planet X, as hypothesized planets have often been called.

Gee, look at how much free publicity such an auction might generate. So raise even more cash by charging some kind of entry/bidding fee. Televise the big announcement and generate more loads of loot.

While we’re at it … just imagine the sums that could be raised by selling naming rights to all the craters on the moon, and eventually features on other planets? Could even name a comet Comet after the cleanser.

Peter Mucha

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