Light Sabers Are Lame

Don’t get me wrong. Light sabers are cool duel tools. But they’re power is limited to a person’s reach, and in real life using a stick-sword for protection is, well, silly.  Think about it. Say a Jedi can deflect two blaster blasts per second. On the count of 3, three villains all fire at once! Or try automatic, machine-gun-style weapons (even with old-fashioned bullets) and watch a Jedi get ventilated like Jarlsberg.

Oh, you say, a Jedi could use the Force to repel the entire barrage! Or to leap instantly out of the way. Or to will every shooter unconscious. You just made my point. If the Force can do all that, who needs a light saber, except for cutting open a Tauntaun’s belly to keep a friend from freezing. The Force is powerful, light sabers not so much.

Seriously. Here are a bunch of ways to beat a light saber.

Storm Trooper fires a shock wave, knocking down Princess Leia in "Stars Wars: A New Hope."

Shock-wave blaster. Why limit blasters to discrete deflectable bursts? Well, something like a blast wave just happened to be used in Star Wars: A New Hope to knock Princess Leia down. (The above image is a composite from a several movie frames.)

Yoda blasted by a firehose

A Firehose. If  light sabers deflect solid objects, try mass quantities of liquids. Maximize the power and spread of the stream, like with a firehose! (Reload the page to see the gif in action.)

Jedi master Mace Windu gets maced

Pepper Spray. Here’s a little mace in your face, Mace Windu. A well-aimed shot could make the Jedi master falter long enough for a clean blaster shot. Bye-bye.

Stormtrooper gasses Yoda

It’s a gas, gas, gas. Toxic gas. Knock-out gas. Even plain old carbon-dioxide could cut off a Jedi’s oxygen supply, and using a light saber would be exactly like swinging at thin air.

Captain Cold and his cold gun, from "Arrow" and "Legends of Tomorrow" on CW.

Cold. Any reason an advanced technology couldn’t make freeze guns like the one used by Captain Cold on CW’s Flash or Legends of Tomorrow?

Yoda slips on marbles

De-feeting Strategies. Old low-tech tricks might even work. Like marbles. Pulling the rug out from under a Jedi. Sawing a hole in the floor around him or her?

training remotes with Luke Skywalker


Hostile Remotes. If a single training remote can frustrate a Jedi, why wouldn’t bad guys simply use a swarm of them, and not just set to stun?

yoda and flamethrower

Flame Thrower. You don’t want to see the gif. Yoda-b-que is not a pretty sight. (You do want to see the gif? Click here. But don’t say you weren’t warned.

yoda vs bees

Bees. Buzz, buzz, ouch, ouch, ahhhhhhh! (Refresh page to see gif.)

Not a doubt an advanced evil civilization could think of many more.

Peter Mucha

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